Beastly
by RewindedMiracle
Summary: "Two vibrant hearts could change." Deception, fear, love and hate. He thought he was done with the world, and she was there to help him see his way. AU-ish. Rated M for content.
1. In the Beginning

**A/N:** _This is a continuance of my one shot "Howl." I'm starting in the middle that's why it's recognizable but it's changed to fit along with this new story. This needed to be written. I knew it was a matter of time. xD I hope you guys enjoy it. Reviews are love. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being such an inspiration. ;D Heads up, it's slightly AU in some sense. You'll see._

"Beastly"

_Everybody's looking for something.  
>Some of them want to use you<br>Some of them want to get used by you  
>Some of them want to abuse you<br>Some of them want to be abused._

_-"Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)" by Eurythmics_

His rage escaped him. The four were gone. The woman Hawke, the dwarf… Anders, oh Anders how he had changed, and of course… Merrill. Killing them would have changed nothing. Killing them would not bring his people back. A guttural scream left his lips. His soul vibrated in agony and his fist went through the wood of an aravel. Night had fallen and he had buried the bodies of his clan. He had no tree to plant on the top of their remains. Their memories would be tainted and their rites weren't completed. They would not find peace in the Beyond. Theron pulled away from the aravel. New scars would form on his hands within days. He fell to his knees again and pounded on the ground. The damp earth gave away easily to his strength. He could not rid himself of the beast. Any hope of that had gone with the last breaths of those important to him. If only he had arrived earlier. They could've stood a chance. They could have survived. Theron would have gladly given his life in exchange for his clan to live.

If only.

"Theron."

"Go away Merrill."

"Was that you screaming?" Her voice was innocent but it angered him. He turned to look at her. She looked more delicate that she did when he last saw her in Ferelden. Was she just a shell of the Merrill he knew? Why did looking at her make him feel like he was looking at a mirror image of himself?

"No," he replied flatly, "It was a ghost."

"I didn't think their voices would arrive so quickly," she whispered and looked down. He watched her shift awkwardly. She looked so frail compared to his larger frame. "I didn't want them to die."

"It's too late for that," he told her, "Did you come here to punish yourself? Why even bother?"

"I felt like you needed to hear the story. It was unfair of me to leave you with questions." She relayed her story about how she had accepted a spirits help to restore the Eluvian that… Theron's body stiffened. She had the Eluvian that took Tamlen away from him. How could she even dare to think that she could do such a thing? She resorted to blood magic. The beast roared inside of him. She told him about how the Keeper had taken the demon into her soul to save Merrill. His eyes narrowed at her. "I tried to talk to them… I tried to make them see reason."

"There was no reason for their death!" He roared at her, "How could you be so stupid? How could you think that we would regain glory for restoring that piece of our history? It's nothing but a mirror." He lied to her. Images of Morrigan walking through the portal had flashed through his head. "You do not know what it leads to. You do not wish to know. It took Tamlen." And Morrigan. It had been in different ways but the end result was still the same. "It could take you. You were doing the demon's will. No good could have come from that." Was that how he saw Morrigan? And what of his child with the soul of an Old God? "You should leave."

"But I don't want to," she told him. She reached out and touched his arms. "Did the darkspawn do that to you?" No. He did it himself. "I've…heard stories about you." None of them good. He was a monster. "I didn't want to believe them." She should have. "I've thought about you every day since you left our clan." She hadn't even been born into the clan like he had been. How could she call them hers and betray them? Betrayal… It was like a sickening brand that only wished to further burn into him.

She had wanted him. That had been made apparent. The way her hips swayed as she walked to him. Theron was capable of killing her and probably wouldn't think twice about it. He could feel her sweet breath against his skin. Her head tilted upwards and their lips touched. She whispered apologies before she pulled him closer. She tugged at his armor and he at hers. Responding was in his nature, whether it was right or wrong, the Beast had found its new prey. She whispered three words he had longed to hear. They were the words that he had wanted from Morrigan. The ones she had readily laughed at him for and the ones that made him fight so hard to get her to see…to see that he'd burn the world for her if he could. He found himself on the ground. Her body above him made her look like a wood nymph. Her fingers sunk into the skin on his chest, drawing blood. She leaned down as she felt the fullness of him enter her. A light gasp escaped her lips. Her wet tongue flicked against his freshly made wounds and his hips thrust against hers.

She cried out his name and he whispered the wrong one. His eyes locked onto hers for a moment and he saw a change in Merrill. The green hues warped into a golden color that he had known too well. She rode his body as his hands trailed up her thighs, to her hips and to her breasts. Theron rolled over to where he was on top and she was under him. She purred like a kitten, and slowly turned into a dark sultry temptress, one that he had known too well. What magic had that been? Was she aware of her change? Was it his imagination? His movements became fluid. Her body writhed before she clawed into him again.

They reached their climax together and Theron held her close. Her delicate area tightened around him, and he was invited to stay in a little longer. "Are you a dream?" He asked.

"I'm what you want me to be," she whispered.

Theron pulled his head back to look at her. The face there that stared back was still the one that haunted him wherever he went. "You are a lie." His hands went to her throat. His fingers gripped tightly and grew tighter by the moment. His knuckles whitened and she gasped for air. Her hands went to his face as she tried to push him off of her. Inaudible words were spoken.

This wasn't him. She turned into Merrill again. The life behind her emerald eyes was slowly dimming but she pled for mercy. She pled for her life. What of the Keeper? What of their people? What of Ashalle? Did their deaths not deserve justice in the end? He had loved Merrill. They could have been mates if she hadn't been the Keeper's first. It wasn't like they hadn't…made that promise to each other before…before the Keeper interfered. Theron pulled himself back, and let go of Merrill's neck. He pulled out of her and backed away. Her gasps for air had been his final gift to her. The Beast hungered. The Beast demanded more. The Beast wasn't done. The Beast would never be done. He turned to look at her. Her naked body curled into a ball as a whimper escaped her. Whether it was intentional or not, he wasn't sure.

"I missed you," she said. He wanted her to stay away.

"How can you say that?" He asked. His hands balled into fists. "After what I just did…?" His shoulders slumped and his hands fell to his side. "After what I almost did?" His eyes watered. The beast would never be satisfied. No, he wasn't going to let it take Merrill. She sat up and reached out to him. No. He didn't want to be touched. Theron's initial reaction was to punish himself again but he wouldn't in front of Merrill. The tiny elf was too innocent to witness such an act. "Can you forgive me?" Her dainty hands enveloped just one of his before she pulled him back to the ground to lay with her. He felt her bury her face in his dark hair.

"There's nothing to forgive, lethallin," she whispered into his hair. Her naïve ways were going to get her into trouble. "Will you come with me to Kirkwall?"

"Your friends don't want me there."

"Oh, they didn't mean it. Besides, Anders is your friend too." _Was,_ he wanted to correct her. "Please? Will you?" Was it morbid to say that he wanted to stay with his clan? She was the last member of their clan. He would…see her home and then he would be off.

"If it means that much to you, Merrill, I will."

* * *

><p>She had gone from being a proud member of the People to a lowly alienage inhabitant with no pride. Theron wanted to ask if it had all been worth it. He wanted to hate her for what she did to their clan but what difference would it have made? She could throw it back in his face and say that it all started with him and Tamlen. He knew that he was no longer counted among the Dalish and hadn't been for almost ten years. Merrill made a motion for him to follow her and he did. "This is my house," she told him as she made a hand swinging gesture to show him, "Creators, I hope that it is clean." It didn't matter to him. He had been in dirtier places before. "Welcome, lethallin." He wished that she would stop calling him that. She opened the door and the both of them went through.<p>

The décor was simple. Theron hadn't expected elaborate human…things… in Merrill's home like he had seen in Alistair and Anora's castle in Denerim. One thing he did notice was the two pots with a single flower in each. It had been customary in their clan to plant a flower for each member. When the clan member died, the flower was plucked and placed with them as it was said to be a part of their soul, and you couldn't pass into Uthenera without it. Theron thought it was a ridiculous tradition then and now. "What are you doing with that?" He asked. Merrill turned to look at him and blushed.

"Oh," she started, "the Keeper wanted to leave yours in Ferelden but I couldn't. The other one is mine. It was the only thing that I took when I came here."

"I'm surprised they didn't pluck it when I left," the words left him before he realized it.

Merrill smiled. "I wouldn't let them," she replied, "They said you were lost. You were never lost, were you emma vhenan?" What did she carry so much faith in people? He'd never understand. He didn't know what to say. "Please," she continued, "sit down." He found a chair and did what she asked. It was the least he could do after he had tried to kill her. His eyes went to her slender throat to see the ugly bruises formed in the pattern of clustered finger against her skin. To know he did that at the request of the Beast… He had to look away.

"Relax, Merrill," he told her, "I am no stranger that you have to impress."

"Oh, I know," she replied and clapped her hands together. "I want to show it to you." He almost asked what, but he knew. She wanted to show him the Eluvian.

"I don't want to see it."

"Why not?"

"Their blood is barely dry on the ground." He watched her lower lip quiver. Good. She should have remorse, though he knew it was the Beast that kept him together…that kept him from going mad even during its torturous demands. He should have been in mourning but the Beast wouldn't allow it. What did she have that kept her calm?

"We all have different ways of mourning, Mahariel," she told him. Her honey voice seemed bitter. "Not all of us have the pleasure of beating the ground until they see fit."

"You should try it sometime." They both stared at each other but it was Merrill who smiled first.

"Please, come see it." She wouldn't stop asking.

He was on his feet and followed her into the back room. As soon as he drew near the doorway, he saw it. It stood there and loomed over them just like it had in the cave. There was no reflection but it looked exactly like he remembered. When Duncan shattered it, he said that it had been tainted but this… this mirror was not tainted. "I can't sense the taint," he muttered.

"That's because I cleansed it."

He turned his head to look at her. "With the demons help?" His eyes narrowed as he watched her jaw set.

"Well it helped, obviously. I needed power to remove the taint and I did it," her voice had gone cold. It wasn't like the Merrill he knew. No, it seemed to be the voice of…the one he let get away. "It doesn't work anyways, so I don't need any more lectures."

"No, it's just a mirror," he said. "Merrill, destroy it. It took Tamlen. It almost took my life. It caused you to kill our clan. Don't you see what it's doing to you? Your demon may be gone but another will find you. Stop using blood magic."

"It was their fault! They wouldn't listen! I was just trying…" If she had said anything more, it was lost on him. The Beast had started to rage again. It demanded her life. It demanded blood. He knew that he could do it too, with a simple crack on a pressure point, she'd be gone. He felt her hit him. She screamed and pointed to her door. Merrill pushed him but he didn't move. "Get out!" No. He wasn't finished. "Get out!" She yelled again. His hands clasped onto her shoulders and his fingers dug in. She tried to use her magic but it must've been the pain that stopped her. It must have been the guilt…or the want to die after becoming a murderer. He let go and pushed her back. He couldn't. He couldn't kill her.

Theron turned away and started to leave. "I never wanted this to happen, Merrill. Any of it. Don't lose yourself. Not like I did."

* * *

><p>Days melted into each other. Weeks passed. Maybe even months, but he couldn't tell. Theron was alone again. He wanted to remain unseen while he was back in Ferelden. Alistair would probably have turned him in to the Wardens. He knew they were looking for him, with good reason too, but he wasn't going back. The elf found himself back at the Dragonbone Waste. The demons were gone. The dragons were gone. The varterral had been slain. The darkspawn didn't linger due to his arrangement with the Architect and the Mother had long since decayed back into the earth. The only thing left in the ruins was still there. As if it had been waiting for him.<p>

_"You toy with my emotions elf," the dark haired beauty spat at him before she pulled away. He was at a loss for words as she turned from him. Theron reached out for Morrigan. The witch whirled around and sank her claw like finger nails into his skin. Blood for blood, he supposed. _

_"You would not even come for the child?"_

_He shook his head. "You say he's safe," he started, and picked his words carefully, "I trust you." He finally swallowed back the tension that held onto his throat. He didn't think goodbye would be hard. "But you're on a path that I cannot follow." She stared at him and nodded. She understood._

_"Tis better this way," she agreed, "This is why I told you not to follow me." Her fire colored eyes glistened and Theron gave her a small smile. "Goodbye, my love, we will not meet again."_

His fists pounded against the mirror but it did not break. He roared to whoever would listen. Theron moved back, even picked up a rock but he could not shatter it. He just wanted it to know that the threat was there if it did not give him what he wanted. He hit the mirror again. _Work damn it, _he thought. The Beast was laughing at him… mocking him. Theron fell to his knees and turned from the mirror. Fine. He had declined before. He didn't deserve to see her again. He didn't deserve to know the child. He thought about going into the Deep Roads. His calling hadn't arrived just yet but it was only a matter of time. No, that death would satisfy the Beast. Theron didn't want his last act in Thedas to be something that the Beast had demanded. He was through with it. He wanted something quick. He wanted something that didn't embody a glorious end.

Creators take him. He would have done anything to end what was happening to him. He pulled out a dagger and pulled off his gauntlets. At least with what he had in mind, he could no longer harm anyone.

"Do not be so hasty, my love." Had he already done the deed? Had he gone to the Void? It had been a long time since he had heard her voice. The Dread Wolf was toying with him in his final hours. Theron turned to see an arm extended out from the mirror. He knew it. He knew it well. A smile spread across his features for the first time in what it seemed like forever. He took her hand and laced their fingers together before she pulled him inside.

**A/N:** _All elvish used was found here: http : / dragonage. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elven _ Language_


	2. Reoccurring Happenstance

**A/N:** _Thanks for reading! Reviews are love. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my beta. –hearts-_

"Beastly"

_Erase, my love  
>I bet you can't erase my touch<br>You're trying to replace  
>A figure without a name<br>With somebody else's face in your head_

_-"Erase" by Mika_

"Hold on, lethallin!"

…_what's going on?_

"The Keeper will heal you."

_The Keeper is dead._

"I can't believe it's really you."

_Where am I?_

The world was a blur for Theron Mahariel. He knew the voice that spoke to him, but he didn't think that it was possible. He couldn't remember where he had been, where he was, what he was doing, or how he had even gotten there. His head pounded. His vision watered. A groan might have even escaped him, he wasn't sure. Hands held onto him and a voice, a very familiar voice, tried to sooth him. He knew that time was going by but what he really wanted to know was where he was. Theron tried to use his other senses since his vision had failed him. He smelled the sea. Salt clung to the air, which told him they were close. Voices mingled together. His rescuer wasn't alone. They were Dalish that much he knew. He wanted to protest them taking care of him. He wasn't worthy. He wasn't one of the People…Theron felt himself slip in and out of consciousness and his internal argument dimmed before sleep finally took him.

He didn't dream. It was the type of sleep that made you feel like you hadn't slept in days. The sun flickered inside the hut he was in. He rubbed his eyes before he opened them slowly. His vision was clear again and the sight of a dainty little elf flooded before him. "Merrill?" Was he dreaming? She gave him a small smile.

"Lethallin," she greeted, "I was worried you weren't going to wake up. But Falon'Din will not take you so easily, I see." Theron tried to sit up but quickly fell down onto his back. "Don't be so hasty." She came to his side and tried to help him up. "You were wounded when we found you. You've been sleeping for three days straight."

Wounded? His eyebrows furrowed together. The slightest movement brought a sharp pain searing through his side. Three days straight? He tried to think farther back than that but only remembered…Sundermount. "Where are we?" It was the only decent thing that he could ask when such a subject inundated his mind.

"Orlais," she told him, "We're close to our peoples' second homeland." They weren't his people. Creators help him if they were close to any of the Wardens. He did not want to go back. Not after everything that he'd done.

"How did I end up here?" He asked. His head still hurt but he tried to ignore the pain as he talked to her.

"We were leaving the coast when I saw your body laying against the sand… you were bleeding, but the Keeper managed to heal your wounds."

"I just saw you last week, how can you be in Orlais?" He watched Merrill scowl at him. The look of confusion was probably shared between them. "What?" He asked, and wished she would just spit it out already.

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulders. "It's been…over three years since we last saw each other," she replied. Images swirled in his head. He saw the dead stares of his clan mates, Morrigan crying, Leliana's dying body against the snow, him plowing his knife into Brother Genitivi, killing Zathrian, the purple rippling swirls of the Eluvian and the low humming coming from it… He brought his hands to his head and let out a groan. "Where have you been?" Ah, he was expecting that question to come sooner or later.

His eyebrows furrowed together when he looked up at her. "I don't know," he answered honestly, "The last thing I remember is leaving the Free Marches." Merrill gave him a small smile. He wished that she would stop being so nice to him. He didn't deserve it. He waited for the Beast to growl and irk him into violence with the other elf, but the urge never came. Was it gone? Had the urge to kill finally dissipated? Or was it dormant and buried deep within his soul just waiting to come out when he least expected it?

"You probably won't want to be going back there any time soon," she said. He didn't know if he wanted to question her about it or not.

"Why are you here and not there then?" He hated to ask so many questions, but his instincts told him to try to fill in the gaps that had gone missing in his life. "I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions…three years…" He let out a slow breath. "It just doesn't make sense."

"A war between mages and the Templars started," she replied, "Anders blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall." Theron wanted to laugh. His first thought had been, _good for him_. "Marian, my friend from before, let him live. I don't know where they are now, but the rest of our group had separated. One is still in Kirkwall, trying to handle the situation, Mythal bless her." Theron watched Merrill hesitate. "It's not safe for mages anymore… It's why I came to this clan. I ran into them as I was running away."

"Do they know?" About her blood magic…and about her being responsible to their own clan's death. "Why here in Orlais? Couldn't you have gone back to Nevarra?" He watched Merrill carefully. He had been useful to the Wardens for what he had been willing to do and because he had the ability to read people. Granted, it was shocking for a Dalish to be able to do such a thing, but he had spent a long time around shemlens to know expression from expression.

"One question at a time, lethallin!" Merrill exclaimed. Exasperation had taken its toll and he couldn't help but crack a wry smile. "No. They don't know anything. They just know that I was separated from my clan." Well, that was one way of putting it. "I came here to get as far away from the Free Marches that I could… and I couldn't go back to Ferelden."

"Ma serannas," he said. The words tasted slightly bitter leaving him. It had been a long time since he had used the words of his people. "…For telling me," he added quickly. The dark haired beauty reached forward and ruffled his hair.

"Why, lethallin, I do believe that's the first time I heard you use our words since you left our clan," she teased him. "Come. They're asking questions about you. The Keeper will want to know that you're awake."

* * *

><p>"Aneth ara," the Keeper greeted him. Theron rolled his neck to release tension. She was young for a Keeper. "I am Dyana. I have been Keeper of this clan for two years. The Ralaferin greet you, da'len." Maybe she was older than she looked but he pushed his assumptions to the side to retain a proper greeting.<p>

"I am Theron Mahariel," he introduced himself, "I was with the Sabrae clan until I became a Grey Warden." He didn't think that there was much else needed for his introduction but by the look in her eyes, it seemed that his introduction had not been needed.

"I know who you are. You will be allowed to stay until your wounds are healed." Theron sensed a 'but' coming. Dyana's dark green eyes were filled with sorrow. He knew what was going to come next. "But you are not welcome to my clan." Did she know? Did the stories of his time as a Grey Warden reach the clan gatherings?

"And why is that, Keeper?"

"Must I say it out loud?" Ah. So she did know. He didn't want to look at the others in the camp. They probably knew as well.

"How did you find out about it?"

"The last Arlathvhen," Dyana replied. Her eyes narrowed at him. "Lanaya told us everything about the werewolves and Zathrian." Ah. Lanaya. Yes. He remembered. She was not thrilled when she found out what he had done. She had only agreed to help him in the Blight because of the obligation she had from the treaties.

"I understand, Keeper," he replied with a nod of his head. He could still be respectful in his own way. Well, he respected her position, which was as far as it went. "I won't linger longer than I am wanted." Where could he go? By his clock, he only had a matter of years before his calling arrived. He knew he could meet that fate earlier than intended but a small voice told him not to. Was it the Beast? No. It was a much softer presence.

"It would have been a wise lesson for you to learn years ago," the Keeper commented. He couldn't help but roll his eyes. Listening to a lecture had not been his strong suite growing up so he certainly wasn't going to stand there and take it from this woman.

"What?" Merrill asked. Her surprise astounded him and made him feel like Thedas's biggest hypocrite. He judged her for everything she had done, but what of what he had done? He did not murder his clan, but there were countless other lives that he had taken…and even felt a little pleasure in it. "Dyana, this is crazy. You can't seriously mean that you want him gone."

Theron raised an eyebrow. "She does," he told her as he turned his head. His eyes met hers and it looked like Merrill wanted to protest. He wouldn't hear it. It was more for her sake than his. He wanted to keep the Beast at bay for as long as he could. Getting angry was only going to bring it out quicker. "Ma serannas, Keeper," he said and went back to the hut to gather his things.

He felt like he was well enough so he would leave. Dyana had no words for him. The silence said more than she could have. His markings told others that he was Dalish, but it was what was inside that made him something new entirely. She knew it. Theron knew it. It wasn't because he could attract darkspawn. It wasn't because he had been away from the People after so long. It wasn't because he defiled the ashes of the shemlens' prophet. He had killed one of their own. He shook his head. He did not want to think of what would happen to Merrill when they found out about her. She would be branded as much of a traitor as he was.

He picked up his daggers and pulled on the rest of his armor. When he turned to leave, Merrill was in the way. "What was she talking about with Zathrian?"

Theron shook his head. "Think about it, Merrill," he started, "You said it yourself…You've heard the stories. So have they." He paused and narrowed his eyes. "Don't think they won't show you the same kindness when they find out about you." She looked like she wanted to cry, but it was the truth. She was going to have to face it sooner or later. Despite his inner protests to himself, he lifted a hand and brushed his fingers against her cheek. He couldn't bring himself to say goodbye again.

"No."

Theron stopped in his tracks and turned his body slightly so he could look at her. "What?"

"This will not be another goodbye," her voice shook as she spoke, "I'm tired of saying goodbyes."

"Merrill…"

"Take me with you."

That hadn't been what he expected to hear from her. She couldn't possibly know what she asked. She would be in danger if the Beast wanted to rise again. He didn't know if he would have enough willpower to stop himself from killing her again. "No," he told her, "I don't think that would be…" He paused as he searched for the right word for her delicate ears to hear. "Wise," he finally said.

"I've changed since then," she protested, "if that is what you're so worried about." How could he tell her that it wasn't her? She took a step forward and placed her hands onto his shoulders. Her fingers gripped onto the leather as she frowned at him.

"You don't know what you ask," Theron tried to sway her to stay away.

"Don't I?" It seemed since the last time they had met, she had developed a little of a backbone and he couldn't help but laugh at her.

"You don't," he said, "or would you like to face the harsh reality of it all, Merrill?" Before he could answer her, he step out of his hut and readjusted the strap of his backpack. "You know," he called to the Dyana. The elf turned to look at him questioningly. "You are harboring a blood mage. She killed our whole clan. Well, she did have the help of a few shemlens and a durgen'len. Don't treat me purely as beast when you've had one among you for so long."

"Mahariel!" Desperation clung to Merrill's cry. He wouldn't regret it. If his crimes were known, hers would be as well. He didn't turn to look at her but made his way to the exit of the camp, and was well aware of the arrows trained at his back as he left. He was barely outside of the Dalish camp when he felt a force hit him in the back.

Theron stumbled forward and whirled around to face his attacker. "Why are you following me?" He growled. The Beast stirred but did not fully waken.

Merrill placed her hands on her hips and stuck her chin out in defiance. "You told them!" She exclaimed, "You brought this upon yourself. You should not have said a word if you did not want to face the repercussions."

"What? Are you going to use blood magic on me?"

She looked as if she had been slapped in the face. "We are outcasts," she replied, "You don't know this land. I do. You'll get lost."

"Merrill, turn around and leave," Theron ordered. He did not want her to come with him.

"Is this the thanks I get for saving your life?"

"You should have left me to die on the beach." The words had surprised even him. "I didn't ask to be saved."

"I couldn't let you die," she countered. He wanted to know why but part of him already knew the answer. He wasn't going to ask. She had already set herself down a destructive path. Encouraging her would be her undoing and he already had enough to atone for with the Creators. Theron turned to walk away but she followed. "You know, I was really starting to like them. They were becoming like family." He didn't look at her.

"Well, you took away my only family," he said. Sometimes he could hear Ashalle's laughter, and at others, he saw her lifeless face. "We can call it even."

"That isn't fair!" He heard her feet quicken as she tried to keep up at his side. "I explained what happened! You can't just keep it over my head like this." Oh, he could and he would. He continued to head west and tried to ignore the little one at his side. "You're going the wrong way."

"I'm following the coast, Merrill," he started, "I'm not going the wrong way. I did study Warden maps while I was in Weisshaupt. I know where I'm going."

"And where is that?"

"Somewhere I can leave you," he answered and she scowled at him.

"By the Dread Wolf, you are so infuriating! It's a wonder how you became the Hero of Ferelden!" Merrill threw her hands up in frustration. He stopped in his tracks and pointed at her.

"You will not utter that after this moment," he warned her, "I will not go back to the Wardens. They must not find me."

"Oh?" She asked as an eyebrow rose. He had just given her something to hold over his head. "Well, in that case lethallin, lead the way. I wouldn't dream of telling the Wardens that their long lost hero has finally shown his face again!" Sarcasm. He didn't know she had it in her.

"Stop it, Merrill."

"Not until you tell me why you told the clan what I did," she countered, "Was it to punish me? Was it revenge? Payback? Whatever new word there is for such a thing. Was it because misery loves company and you're really afraid to be alone?" He told because they deserved to know. He told because if he was accountable for one person, she would be for their whole clan. Maybe it was because he wanted to share his misery. Maybe it was because he didn't want to be alone. Those sentiments weren't his strong suit to deal with.

"You said you've changed, but I don't think you have."

"You haven't either." He started walking again and kept his pace ahead of hers. "Or will you kill me the next time that I disagree with you?"

"It's a very tempting offer," he told her, "Needless to say, you haven't faced the reality of your actions."

"I destroyed the mirror." A familiar tingling feeling had taken over. It crawled from the pits of his stomach and lurched over him like a festering sickness. He stopped again. "Oh, now I have your attention." He held up a hand to silence her. "Do not silence me!"

"Merrill. Shut up."

"What?"

He turned his head and true to form, darkspawn crawled through the bushes. They weren't regular hurlocks or genlocks either. No. He knew these beasts, and he knew them well.


	3. Details Blurry, Memory Worried

**A/N:** _Thanks for the alerts! Reviews are love. Thanks to **Saga Svanhildr** for being my beta and thank you so much to Chasind Desire for reviewing! I'm excited for this chapter! I hope you guys enjoy._

"Beastly"_  
><em>

_Well, you're only as good as your last mistake  
>You're only as right as the wrong you make<br>You can run, and you run, and you run, but you'll never escape  
>You'll never escape<em>

_-"Last Mistake" by Augustana_

They drew closer and Theron could feel the woman at his side panic. He could see the green plants wilting beside the darkspawn. Their taint spread slowly like a sickness, even if they were free from the Calling, they weren't free from the death they caused. The same thing could have been said about himself. He glanced at Merrill. He thought that she'd be used to darkspawn by now. "What are they doing?" She asked. He didn't know, but he intended to find out why they were on the surface after the deal that he had made. "We must go," Merrill urged him as she tugged on his arm. For all her effort, Theron still ignored her. "Mahariel!" The beasts came closer and she trembled. He turned his head to silently reassure her that it was going to be ok. He hadn't drawn his daggers, but she quickly drew her staff.

"Stand down, Merrill," he warned her. Her jaw dropped. Yeah, he didn't think that was going to go over well. He stepped in front of her, blocking her view from the darkspawn. She took it as a sign of him wanting to protect her from the beasts that came their way. Her fingers gripped onto the fabric attached to his leather armor. He was glad the she wasn't looking. He could see that one of them had an unconscious woman in tow. He knew that there was a Deep Roads entrance around within a two-day march, but he couldn't help but wonder why they had strayed so far.

"Are they gone?"

"No, they're here," he replied. The Messenger. He couldn't stop him even if he wanted to. The deal had been that the Architect could do his experiments as long as the darkspawn didn't troll Thedas. He glanced back at Merrill, whose hands were itching back to her staff. "Don't," he told her. He was surprised that she complied with his request. Was it trust? He wasn't even sure if he trusted himself anymore.

"Warden," The Messenger greeted him. Merrill let out a tiny gasp.

"They can talk?" She asked and stepped to his side. She would never understand. While blood magic may have been her downfall, his deal with the Architect might have been his. "I didn't know they could talk."

"What are you doing on the surface?" He asked the talking Disciple. His eyes wandered to the woman they had in their grasp and his breath caught in his throat. He knew her. She was an Orlesian Warden who had come to Vigil's Keep shortly before he left to find Morrigan. He didn't remember her name, but by the look on her face, she recognized him. Her eyes widened and her lower lip pouted. Her mouth opened to speak to him, but her words were lost. Even if they were spoken, they would have fallen on deaf ears.

"The Architect needs more for his experiments," he answered. The woman tried to move away from the darkspawn as one snarled at her. She looked like she hadn't eaten in days. Her skin looked stretched out across her skull. Her features were hollow and dark circles encased her eyes.

"Help me," she whispered. The begging plea would have worked for anyone else, but for him… the Beast only laughed.

"You know what will happen if you break your pact," the Messenger told him. He wasn't a child. He didn't need a reminder. Theron only nodded and they walked passed him. He grabbed Merrill's arm and led her away from the retreating darkspawn.

"How…" the tiny elf was at a loss for words. "How could you…" Save from the people that had been with him, no one knew about the deal. The Orlesian screamed. The echoes carried in the wind to follow them, to taunt them. Theron looked at Merrill whose lower lip quivered at the sounds. The Beast stirred. He didn't need to be fed. He was satiated enough from her suffering. Sometimes he wished that he hadn't brought it to the surface all those years ago. Maybe things could have been different.

* * *

><p><em> "Lethallin, what have you done?"<em>

_He asked himself the same thing over and over again, but he didn't have an answer. He was just supposed to be scouting the area and then he ran into her. Theron looked at the body of the shemlen woman lying lifeless on the ground. He dulling green eyes stared at him. He felt like they were mocking him just as she had when she was able to speak. The bruising around her neck indicated what he had done to her. She just… wouldn't stop talking. He had been ready to cut her tongue out when Tamlen arrived. He brought up a hand and his fingers curled into his dark hair as his palm pressed against his temple. "I…" How could he explain himself?_

_A strong hand gripped onto his shoulder. "What happened?" He asked. Tamlen wouldn't judge him. He would understand. They both had shared a common disdain for shemlens. _

_"I told her to turn back," Theron replied as he shut his eyes, "That the Dalish wandered these parts. But she wouldn't hear it." He opened his eyes and looked at his friend. "She laughed at me and called me a stupid knife ear." His nose wrinkled in disgust. "I don't know what came over me. Something inside just wanted her…dead."He had no remorse for her death. Something stirred within him. Was it…joy? Theron didn't know what was happening to him but he knew that change was coming. He wondered if he should brace himself, but he shook the thought off. He was just imagining things. _

_"Then she deserved it, lethallin." Tamlen was too good to him. "Come," he continued, "We must leave before more shemlen arrive and tell the Keeper." His eyes widened. _

_"No!"That was not going to happen._

_Tamlen turned to look at him. "What?"_

_"We can't tell the Keeper."Ashalle could not know._

_His friend frowned at him. "We must warn her and the clan before the shemlens come, lethallin, she will understand," Tamlen tried to reassure him. Theron wasn't convinced._

_"No," he replied, "she must never know. If the shemlens come, then let them. I will make it look like she was attacked by a bear. They won't know any better." The other elf looked at him as if he was out of his mind. "Trust me." The blond slowly nodded and looked away. He wouldn't have watched either. Theron moved back to the shemlen and picked her neck up gently. With a quick motion, he felt the bones in her neck crack. He drew his knife and cut her neck so that the bruises disappeared. When it looked like she had been attacked, he stopped. He was condemned by the Gods. The Keeper had failed to protect him from the Dread Wolf. _

_"Let's go," Tamlen said quietly. He nodded and followed his friend back to camp._

* * *

><p>That had been the first time the Beast had made its presence known in his life. As he looked at Merrill, with the condemnation in her eyes, he couldn't help but think of the first life he had taken. "Why?" She asked. Was any situation like the one they had just been in explainable? Was there a simple answer to be given? He didn't think so.<p>

Theron shrugged one shoulder. His eyebrows creased together as he wished she would stop looking at him that way. "Because if I interfere, the darkspawn won't stay in the Deep Roads," he told her. Well, at least until some of them found the next Archdemon. Then his deal would mean shit. "We do what we must. Right, Merrill?" He moved away from her and started walking again.

"I think we should set up camp," she said. He sighed and shook his head.

"Let us first get away from the path they were on."

She walked by his side. "You're not protesting me on this?" She asked. Innocent curiosity had set in. It was almost like talking to a child, and it was one thing that hadn't changed about her. It was strange to think of any part of her as innocent, but it was the best that he could do. He found it oddly enduring. "Is something wrong? Are you feeling feverish?"

He rolled his eyes. "I've started to accept that you won't just go away," he told her.

"Well," she said and crossed her arms in front of her body, "I always said you were a fast learner."

* * *

><p>Fingers gripped onto him and he jolted upright, knife pressed against alabaster skin. "It's ok," the voice told him, "You had a bad dream." Theron tried to get a grip; to focus on telling reality from the dream. He pulled the knife away from Merrill's neck and frowned. The fire near them was dying and the sky was pitch black. He sighed heavily and lay back down. He tried to remember what he dreamt about –<em>a wicked laugh vibrated through his entire being, someone called his name, and he had something in his arms-<em> and then it was gone. Why was she still with him? Was it because she had nowhere else to go? The questions weren't vocalized. They didn't need to be. He'd find out the answer sooner or later. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," he told her. Merrill's eyes narrowed at him and she looked away.

"Fine." The Beast slept. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad for him to attempt to remember the shadow from his past, the man he use to be.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. She turned her head to look at him. An ember popped from the fire and he watched as she brought it back to life with a simple wave of her hand.

"You're apologizing to me?" She didn't sound like she believed the words that had come out of his mouth. It could have been amusing if he was in another state of mind. Theron wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand only to discover a wet trail. It must've been some dream. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned his head to look at her.

"Don't get use to it," he replied. She moved from the spot she had been sitting in to his side. Merrill crossed her legs and smiled at him. She rested one hand on his chest and moved some curling hair out of his eyes. For a moment, he remembered what it had been like for them before he and Tamlen wandered into that damned cave. "Merrill…" His voice held a tone of caution.

"What were you dreaming about?" She asked quietly. _I wish I could tell you,_ he thought. She ran her tongue over her lower lip and he watched as it puckered slightly. She smoothed out the hair she had been playing with as gold flashed in her eyes. Was it the fire? Was it her tricks again? He caught her wrist in his hand and held a firm grip. "You're hurting me," she told him. He didn't care.

"Don't do that again," he told her, "I'd hate to have to try and kill you again." The Beast whispered alluring promises if he fulfilled his words with action. She withdrew her hands slowly as he released her.

"Who is she?"

Theron sat up slowly and turned away. Morrigan. How do you explain the Witch of the Wilds to someone? They had known her mother as Asha'bellanar. He had had a difficult time explaining it to Ariane before. One hand went to the other. His fingers sought out the golden band that he had never taken off since the moment she gave it to him. Nothing. Panic hit Theron as he looked at his hand. The ring was gone. He turned quickly to face Merrill. "Where is it?" Confusion graced her features. Oh, she had to know what he was talking about. "Where is it?" Anger punctuated each word as it was spoken.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied. She held out her hands before her in defense. His jaw set and he stood. His body towered over her and he watched as her eyes narrowed at him. "Don't think you can bully me around," she told him. If he wanted the ring, he needed a different approach.

"I wore a ring on this hand," he said and pointed to his left hand's ring finger, "and now it's gone. Where is it?"

"Maybe you lost-"

Before she could finished he interrupted, "No!" He would have never taken it off. "Did you take it?" His voice had lost the aggression as desperation leaked in.

"I would never," she tried to reassure him. He didn't want to believe her, but it was difficult not to. Why would she take it? She would have no idea what it was and what it was for. "When was the last time that you had it?" He had his ring…_her_ ring when he had –_a hand slipped over his as they fought_- last seen Merrill. Memories popped up in the middle of his thoughts. They were memories that didn't feel like his own, like he was just watching through a screen as the events played before him.

"Forget it," he said. It was lost and he wasn't going to get it back. His final connection with the one woman he had loved was gone. He didn't know whether to scream, kick something, or to kill the next thing that crossed his path. The Beast was happy. The Beast teased him. The Beast scratched at the surface and waited to break through. Theron fought him back before he plopped onto the ground. 'Forget it' had been his words, but he himself could never do such a thing.

They sat in silence. The forest behind them was dark and silent. The only noise besides the crackling of the fire had been the Waking Sea. Thunder rolled through the sky. The smell of rain didn't hit him. Perhaps the storm would bypass their path. "Did she give you the ring?" She. Again with Morrigan. Theron looked at Merrill. What did it matter?

"Yes," he replied, "and her name is Morrigan." Her interest in the name had been a giveaway that she had heard it before.

"Asha'bellanar's daughter?" She asked. He nodded slowly in response. "It seems so long ago but I remember her speaking of the woman." Theron's eyes narrowed. "It was on Sundermount." Impossible.

"Liar," he told her, "I killed her myself."

Merrill gave him a small smile. "No, lethallin," she said, "you didn't."

_"My mother has tricked her way past death and more. She is no more finished than I am."_

Theron shook his head. "So it seems." He moved away from Merrill. The reply had been both to her and the voice in his head.

"Were you…romantic with her?" He debated on telling her about the child. "Forgive me; you don't have to answer that." He didn't plan on it. "Sometimes I ask too many questions for my own good." He knew that already. "But I suppose you're not used to that anymore." He could get used to it again.

"It's alright, Merrill," he told her. Sleep. He just wanted to sleep. "Get some rest. We won't stop until the capital tomorrow."

* * *

><p>If it was too quiet, sometimes he could hear the words of the dead speaking to him. Perhaps it was his guilty conscious overcoming the Beast. Perhaps it was the Creators punishing him for his sins. Theron was awake when the sun started to rise over the horizon. He had caught food for him and Merrill to eat and picked several wild berries. They slowly cooked in the offset heat of the fire as she still slept. His eyes watched her slow breathing. Today it was Zathrian's voice who spoke to him. He remembered the way his knife slid into the neck of the Keeper when he refused to break the werewolf curse. The Lady of the Forest had been so kind to privy him to information that the older elf had not been willing to share. When confronted on it, Theron had been branded a traitor. So be it. He was lost to the People. He had learned that long ago.<p>

Zathrian reminded him that even though he wasn't one of the People, he would still be treated like the dirty knife ear that he was. They were able to see through him, to see that he had nowhere that he truly belonged, and there was nothing he do about it. Theron just pushed the thoughts away. _Be gone spirit, I will not listen to you today_, he warned the swarm of guilt inside of his mind.

Merrill's questioning the previous night had not been an ideal situation for him. He could have handled it better, he knew, but social grace wasn't something that he had been gifted with. His whole clan had been aware of that and things only got harder after becoming a Warden and giving in to the Beast's demands. He watched as her body stirred. She got up slowly and propped her body on one elbow. She gazed in his direction and offered a small smile. "I almost forgot where I was," she told him, "I thought I was back in the Alienage at Kirkwall." She sighed heavily. "By the Dread Wolf, I think I miss that place some times."

Theron made a face at her. "I don't see how you could have done it," he told her, "How could you let your pride fall so far as to live among flat ears?"

Her laughter had almost been bitter. "You did."

He removed the food from the side of the fire. "It wasn't by choice," he told her. Tamlen's death had left wounds too deep to ever heal, and too deep to ever even become a scar. She didn't know their clan mate's fate. It was better that he kept it from her. He would look even more like a monster if he revealed what happened. He made her a portion to eat and handed it to her. Her lips pursed as she blew on the steaming food. When it was cool enough to touch, she picked up a berry with her bare fingers. Theron ate his food a little less delicately than she would have liked him to.

Merrill nodded slowly as she watched him. "I know," she replied finally, "but it must have taken some bravery to be able to do that." Yeah, and look where that got him. "I know you don't want me around. I will leave your side when we reached the city."

"I want you to stay." Did he really just say that to her? He had surprised himself at the admittance. She was the only thing that linked him to the memory of his clan. She was the only thing that gave him a semblance of normality, even when they were arguing. Whatever it was that she did, it kept the Beast at bay.


	4. So Much Left

**A/N:** _Feedback is awesome. –cough- Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for betaing and putting up with my nagging! I'm surprised you haven't kicked me to the curb yet. I'd be a mess without you. Oh, and thanks to her again for reviewing. Thanks to mackillian and Joey89 for put this on their alerts. A smidgen of smut._

"Beastly"

_I ain't gonna cry  
>I don't wanna scream<br>But I got so much left unsaid inside of me_

_-"I Want To Be Loved" by Bon Jovi_

One would have thought that he would have been use to travelling by foot, but he would have given anything for a halla or an aravel. He made a face as he thought about his internal whining. Some Warden he made. Theron ran a hand down his face and let out a low groan. Something was off. "We should be there by tomorrow," he called back to Merrill. He half expected a small retort, but nothing. He paused in his steps. What was going on?

She had been awfully quiet to the point where it was almost unsettling for Theron. If it had been any other person, he would have reveled in the silence, but with her, her constant comments were actually missed. They were just a day's march outside of Val Royeaux and he had been determined not to stop. He wasn't sure why he chose that city. Logically, it would be easy for him to go to any place that he wanted from there. Thedas was his garden and he was able to explore any place that he wanted. Footsteps faded behind him. Theron stopped and turned slowly, only to find his clan mate fallen onto the ground. Her name tore from his lips in a panic that he hadn't expected.

He fell to his knees beside her. It was his fault. Damn it. He should have paid more attention to how she was feeling. He knew her lack of conversation should have been a sign that something was wrong. Creators, why didn't she say something? Anything…-_because you would have ignored her you fool_, he yelled at himself. Part of him screamed at him to leave her there because of what she helped do to their clan. She deserved no less. The Beast sent him images of a simple snap of the neck or him covering her small mouth with his larger hand. He did his best to ignore the urges. She would not be safe with him for much longer.

"Merrill," he said. His calloused hands caressed her soft cheeks. Her mouth was partially open and her lips cracked. Water. She needed water. Theron collected the dainty elf into his arms, carried her and did not stop until he found a river that carried water from the Waking Sea to Lake Celestine. Any water would have been fine, but that specific lake had been known through Orlais to have the clearest water in all of Thedas. He prayed to Mythal to protect her from his son, the friend of the dead.

He laid her against the bank and cupped his hand into the water to collect as much as he could. He leaned Merrill's body up slightly and tilted her head back so she would swallow the water. He continued until he felt her stir in his arms and she moaned softly. She was alive. "Emma vhenan," she whispered. He gave her a small smile and nodded. He touched the side of her face gently as he felt something that he hadn't in a very long time. Was it hope? Why was it that just when he was with her, he felt like he had a reason to live again? Did he have a chance at redemption in the eyes of their Creators?

"Rest," he told her and she barely gave him a nod in response. "I'll take care of you." Her fingers slid over his arm and she gripped lightly before she dozed off.

* * *

><p>"<em>Stop fidgeting."<em>

_She looked up at him with bright green eyes. The tips of her pointy ears turned into a crimson red color. She was beautiful. She was everything Theron had wanted and yet she was not meant to be his. "Lethallin," she breathed out. A light look of pleasure had taken over her beautiful features. His fingertips trailed along her jaw line._

"_Yes, emma lath?" He glanced up at her. He wanted to see the look on her face as he called her his love. She smiled and it was shy and reserved. That may have been the first change that had taken place in the woman. She had not known of his treachery in the forest, the secret that Tamlen kept for him. He kissed her porcelain skin tenderly just above her lower region as they lay in the bright green grass of the forest. He dipped his head down again, leaving a trail of light kisses to her sex. Her fingers curled into his dark hair as he pressed his palm against her thigh, spreading her legs wider. _

_His tongue explored her. His eyes moved up to watch her as she writhed and mewed at the actions of his tongue. Her hips bucked against his face as his hand flicked over her tiny yet sensitive nub. She cried out his name and he was sure that they were going to get caught. He pulled back when he felt her release and she hungrily pulled his face to hers. Their lips meshed together and she held him close. _

_Merrill moved her head to rest on his shoulder while her dainty fingers raked gently across the other. "The Keeper knows."_

_He had expected as much. "How much more time do you think we have before she stops us?"_

"_Not long."_

_Theron buried his face into her dark hair as he let out a small laugh. "Then what of us?" He asked as he held her close. He pressed his lips against her forehead. "I don't want to let you go."_

_Merrill pulled back and looked at him. "Things will be different when I am Keeper," she told him, "I can promise you that. Will you promise me something in return?"_

"_Anything."_

"_Wait for me until that day comes."_

"_I promise."_

* * *

><p>He hadn't been able to keep that promise. Truth be told, he had all but forgotten it until that moment. Theron pressed his palm against his lips as he turned away from Merrill. The Beast's murderous rage had turned into a ravenous lust at that moment. It had only happened one time. He closed his eyes and saw a flash of red hair. That had only been a mere few weeks before he finally killed her. Merrill would not be next. He would not allow it. "What is her name?" A weak voice popped up.<p>

He turned his head to look at the other dark haired elf. "What do you mean?"

"The woman you're thinking of," she replied, "is she special to you?" He opened his mouth to deny thinking of a woman, but she just laughed. Merrill had known better. "You've got that look in your eye, lethallin, and it is a look that I know well." She slowly tried to get up and Theron leaned forward, gripping her small arms to steady her.

"Not so fast."

"Is it Morrigan?" She was persistent, wasn't she?

Well, at least she wasn't using blood magic to know what he was thinking about. "Someone very special to me. Someone that I had forgotten just how special she was," he replied with a small smile. He watched her blush and the tips of her ears turned into the very familiar color of red that he had…loved.

"What happened to her?" Merrill asked quietly. Theron had an inkling that she already knew the answer.

"The Creators stepped in and we were separated to live the lives that we were meant to."

"She was a lucky girl then, wasn't she?" Her head lolled to look away from him. It was nice to see that after so long, time in the Free Marches hadn't changed her accent at all. Ah, he had missed it. He wouldn't dare to admit it to anyone but himself. It was starting to get hard to think of her as the blood mage that helped kill their clan. He wanted to keep his focus but…what would anyone else have done?

"Sometimes I wonder," he replied. "Do you still want to know who she is?" She nodded slowly. "You." It was a simple word and it was the best that he could do. She offered him a small smile.

"It is comforting to think that I am still in your thoughts after everything, you know," she told him. He knew. "So, what are we going to do once we're in the city?"

"The Wardens will know of my return," he answered, "they have a lot of unanswered questions and the Warden-Commander in this country will surely wish to bring me to the First Warden." In turn, he hoped to find his own answers.

"What will they do to you?" It was a good question.

"I don't know," he replied. He gave her a small smile. "Now it's my turn to ask you something. I have gone over it in my head again and again. I killed Flemeth, yet you say she lives. Why?"

Merrill turned her head to look at him. "The woman, Hawke, that I was with," she began, "she made a pact with Asha'bellanar. The witch helped her escape the Blight and in return, she brought an amulet to our clan for a ritual, which I performed. It carried a piece of her soul so that she could live again." Theron closed his eyes for a moment and he heard a bone chilling laugh echo through him, it even sent the Beast into a cold hesitation. He thought of Morrigan's warning.

_Sorrow filled her eyes but within moments the sad looked hardened. She would never let emotions betray her. They were followed and he had to do what needed to be done… _

Theron rubbed his temples. He wished that he could have remembered everything at once. It would have made things easier for him. It would have made his decisions easier as well. But nothing was ever easy.

* * *

><p>Val Royeaux was not as he remembered. The city used to be bustling with activity. It had held more life than any other city in Thedas. The Grand Cathedral stood tall then, but now it was just a shadow in the broken city. It was a wonder how it still even stood. The Circle Tower burned. Theron watched as the smoke rose and darkened the sky. "The rumors are true," Merrill breathed out next to him. She clasped her hands together in front of her body and he watched her lower lip quiver. "I wonder how Marian and Anders are taking it."<p>

'You reap what you sow,' was what he wanted to tell her. "Well," Theron began, "we were never one for their Maker or his Bride." He was educated in what Andrastian's believed thanks to Alistair and Leliana. But just because you were educated, didn't mean that you had to believe. He had proof enough of that when he poured the dragon's blood on Andraste's ashes. The bustling city seemed almost dank and empty compared to the time he had been here before. The streets were spotted with people, but they stayed far enough away that they wouldn't have to touch anyone who passed by.

"They say the smoke never stops from the Tower," Merrill told him. He glanced down at her. It was obvious from the way that she was twitching that she was nervous. People tended to say a lot of things for the sake of good gossip. That was one thing he had learned from the world and the one thing Merrill had chosen to stay naïve about. "All of the Circles have fallen. It's hard to believe, isn't it?" No. It wasn't.

"Good thing we're not here for the Tower, then," he tried his best to reassure her, but knowing himself, his attempt had not gone very far. "I won't let any rogue Templar get to you," he added, if that was her worry. His eyes settled back to the Grand Cathedral. Was the Divine within? Where was the Knight-Vigilant? And what of the Wardens? There were so many questions, but he wanted to avoid all of that. He was here for one purpose and one purpose only. They would make for the lower levels of Val Royeaux where they would not be bothered by bickering or scared nobles.

Merrill stayed close to him. It was probably one of the smartest things that she had ever done. Good on her. "Thank you," she whispered as she clung to his arm tightly.

They entered the city and Theron was ever watchful for anyone that would bring danger to them. The days of being judged based on the shape of your ears were over. Now it was only if you were a mage or a Templar. Theron had paid attention to the whispers. He paid attention to the way the people they passed looked at Merrill with her staff hanging so freely off her back.

"Andraste's ass!" He heard someone yell. "I know you!" He turned his head to see an older man heading his way. "You…you are the Hero of Ferelden. Ah, boy, this is no place for a Fereldan…especially with a mage in your company. Though I have been expecting you..."

Theron narrowed his eyes at the older man. Caution had taken over. His body tensed and his fingers ached for his weapons. The Beast screamed to kill but he tried not to. He couldn't. He needed to harbor the Beast because once he lost control… He knew he would lose any of the hope he had gained from a certain dainty elf. "Do I know you?"

"Ah, it seems you do not remember me. No matter. I am a friend to you." The Beast rose with suspicion. It growled and pawed at the surface. It wanted to burst out from him and…kill. He had not planned to be seen, but not everything went as planned.

"And what is your name, friend?"

"Elyon Andras. I served under the old Warden-Commander, Leonie Caron. She is why you are here, is it not?" His hair was so blond that it was almost white. His bright green eyes held some memory for Theron. The tattoo that trailed down the side of his face was curious. It was not Dalish, but it was something else. Ah, he was starting to remember. Theron knew him.

"You were her second when you came to Amaranthine," he said.

Elyon nodded. "It was not long before you disappeared. You caused quite a stir, my friend."

Theron knew that was one way of putting it. "Where is Leonie then?" He asked.

A dark flash fell over the Elven man's face. "You do not know?" Elyon shook his head. "Of course not, why would you be asking if you knew?" Theron waited in silence to find out what exactly was going on. "The Order took her. It didn't matter that she was a Warden, she was just a piece of meat for the Templars to make an example of. The First Warden has been in an outrage ever since. All but a few of us have left Orlais."

"And what of the new Warden-Commander?" Surely there would have been one to replace the lost.

"You are looking at him," the other man said.

As much as he had wanted to escape the Wardens, escape the Beast, it seemed like he could not win either way. Duty had been his destiny, no matter how awful he had become. "And do you know what happened to Leonie?" He asked.

"She's dead." He had thought as much. The news of her death had affected him little. He had…expected it. What was on his mind instead was how Elyon had come to find him.

"How long have you known of my return?"

"Three days."

So this hadn't been a chance encounter after all. "And your charge?" He asked.

"To bring you in." It also seemed that he didn't have to find the Wardens after all. They had found him instead. "The First Warden waits for you."

"To Weisshaupt then?" Theron wondered aloud, but Elyon shook his head 'no.' "So he's here."

"Come in peacefully and without your mage friend."

"I won't allow it," Merrill piped in. She stood as tall as she could next to him. Sweet Merrill. Theron smiled slightly at her as his fingers itched for his daggers.

"Quiet girl," Elyon told her, "Theron. Don't make this hard. You know what you've done." In the blink of an eye, Theron's right dagger had sunk into the neck of the Orlesian Warden-Commander. The screaming sound of an arrow slicing through the air pierced his ears. He felt a heat brush against the back of his neck. He whirled around quickly to see flames erupt from Merrill's hands. Men fell to the ground and the Beast laughed.

"I'm so sorry," Merrill apologized, but he held up a hand to quiet her.

"Don't apologize," he told her, "not for defending yourself."

"The Templars will know we are here." If they didn't already. Templars, Wardens…let them all come. They'd have trouble with native Orlesians for just being Fereldan.

"We'll leave in the morning. After the day you had, you need a nice sleep," he said. She didn't look as nervous as she did when they had first walked into the city.

"Lethallin?"

"Yes?"

"You knew they wanted to bring you to the First Warden. Why did you kill him?"

He thought about a response. What could he even say? The Beast told him to lie. The Beast told him to just leave her because she was better off without him. "Because he was going to separate us…" The look of disbelief on her face made his heart stop for a moment.

"Let's find a place to settle for the night." Merrill placed her hands gently on his shoulders. Her fingers curled against his dark hair before she led him away from the scene.


	5. Find A Way

**A/N:** _Feedback of any kind is awesome. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for betaing and reviewing. Thanks to Joey89 for his kind words! :D Oh and thank you all who favorite and put this on their alerts._

"Beastly"

_I live from day to day  
>Tryin' to find my way<br>Now I need to know you care  
>Will you still be there?<em>

_-"I'll Be Home Tonight" by Foreigner_

Theron pulled Merrill into the shadows and pressed his body against hers in the small spot where they were hiding from those who chased them. "First the Wardens and now the Templars," he muttered. He could feel the dainty elf's chest heave against his. He did his best to soothe her. His failure was apparent as she looked up at him, eyes wide and fearful. He resisted the urge to touch the side of her face and stroke her cheek gingerly. The Beast growled in protest and for the first time since it emerged, he was able to fully ignore it. "Creators, they are persistent."

Merrill smirked at him a bit with an underlying bitterness in her features. "Any mage these days is an apostate," she told him.

He remembered when the Templars had tried to take Morrigan. Theron had insisted that she was on Grey Warden business. He had even lied to say that she was one herself. That had been something she taunted him relentlessly about, but what else was he to do? He couldn't let them take her. He wouldn't do it then. He wouldn't do it now to Merrill. "We'll wait for the streets to clear before we move," he said. She nodded slowly. She wasn't eager to be captured and made tranquil.

"Find them! Our Warden allies said he was here!" That voice. He knew it. But how could it be? She was supposed to be dead. "He is travelling with an apostate, men, be on your best guard." The Beast raged. It did not like having a victim resurface. It did not like having a victim come back. She was a ghost, wasn't she? He was hearing things. He had to have been.

"_I weep for Ferelden if its safety is in your hands."_

"_Look at her," Morrigan whispered in his ear, "she's been waiting for this moment."_

"_Well," Theron said, "I guess it is a good thing you will not be around to see if your assumptions are right or not." _

He remembered the gasp that escaped her when his blades tore into her stomach. He remembered the dimming light in her eyes. He remembered the look of contentment as she lay against the snow of the mountain. He remembered the bright red against the snow.

Before he had a chance to register his actions, he moved Merrill behind him and he followed the voice. He stopped in his tracks when he found her. She hadn't changed one bit. Her hair was as vibrant as ever. Her stature was poised enough to pass for being Orlesian. A small smirk graced her features as she turned around to face him. It had been like she was expecting it. "Hello," she greeted him as if nothing had passed between them, whether it was years or animosity.

"Leliana?"

"Theron."

"You're supposed to be dead," he said breathlessly.

"Ah, Warden," she started, "they could say the same about you, no?" She placed her hands at her hips. "Where is the apostate that you travel with?"

"So you're a Templar now?"

Leliana shook her head. "No," she said, "I'm so much more. I am the left hand of the Divine herself." She took a step closer to him. "You are probably going over everything in your head right now." She tapped her temple with her forefinger. "Wondering how I survived." The Beast snarled. Its reaction was clear on his face as his fingers inched down to his daggers. "The Maker said it wasn't my time. I still had work to do."

"Yeah, where's your Maker now?" He snapped at her. He sighed. "What do you want from me?" His eyes darted around the scenery, aware of the men that were circling him.

"I need your help."

Theron laughed and let it be known that it was a rather _loud_ one. "You need my help?" He mocked her. "I've already served one purpose." He wasn't about to serve another.

"You've abandoned it," Leliana said. "You will work with us or your friend will die." Theron's head snapped sideways to see one of the men wearing armor similar to Leliana's heading their way with Merrill in his grasp. The man behind him held the elf's broken staff in his hands.

"Resorting to threats, Leliana?" Theron taunted. "That's unlike you. Maybe you still have a bit of that bard mentality from which you tried so hard to run." He watched as her face hardened.

"Maybe it is from the time spent with you," she spat at him. "You do not care for your friend, then? Well, I shouldn't be surprised. You only thought about yourself and that witch." She looked past him. "Kill her." The Beast roared to life. He whirled around and his dagger flew into the helmet of the man who had his hands on Merrill. Her eyes widened as a sharp gasp escaped her.

"Run," he told her. He would die before he let anyone touch her. She used her magic to barrel through those who blocked her. Merrill glanced back at him. Theron could see the struggle between leaving him and staying. "Go!" He yelled at her as he moved to remove his dagger from the fallen Templar's face.

He dove quickly and sliced through the skirt of the man's armor to the backs of his knees. He kicked the man forward and took down those coming straight at him. Leliana stood with her arms crossed as she watched the scene unfold. A Templar thrust his sword at Theron. If he would have hesitated, the metal would have driven through his stomach. Instead, in seared through his side. He would not cry out in pain for it was that pain that the Beast thrived off of. The rogue's stealth kicked in as he tried to escape, but his old companion knew his moves all too well.

Her arrows flew through the air and eventually one hit its mark in his ankle. He leaned down and broke a piece off before he pulled it out. "You're going to have to do better than that," he hissed at her.

He moved quickly against the group of Templars who attacked, but their numbers were greater than he had expected. He would be damned not to take some down with him. It was Leliana that finally knocked him down onto his back. "I thought things might turn out this way," she said. A tsk escaped her. "You've left me no choice. It could have been easier, no?" She lifted a leg and her boot came crashing down against his face.

* * *

><p>A low groan escaped him. Theron shook his head to try to clear his vision as he opened his eyes. His head throbbed and his body tingled with pain. His head was shoved upwards and a health potion was forced into his mouth. He spat a mixture of blood and potion at whoever gave it to him. His hands were bound and he was in a room that he had never seen before. Leliana stood across from him. "What do you want from me?" He asked.<p>

"As I said," she began, "your help." He smirked a little bit at her.

"My answer is unchanged."

"We caught your friend," Leliana said in a 'matter of fact' tone.

"Liar," he hissed.

One of her annoying little giggles escaped her. "I always knew you had a soft spot for mages," she said. "First Morrigan and now the little blood mage." A flicker of anger flashed across her features before she sank a dagger into his side. "I can forgive you for trying to kill me, but I'd say we are even now, no?"

"How is it that you survived?" He needed to know. It seemed that everyone he thought to be dead was in fact, alive. It didn't make the Beast enjoy his time as a dealer of death. Leliana looked like she was hesitating on whether or not to tell him the truth. Yes. Tell him. That way he could figure out a way to make sure that she wouldn't come back to life next time.

"I took some of the ashes when you weren't looking. I knew what you were planning and I couldn't let you ruin them all," she finally told him.

"Good thing they're not self-replenishing," he said and added a wink at the end to let her know that it didn't matter to him whether or not she took the ashes. They wouldn't save her again. In reaction, he felt a hard hit against his jaw. He stared at her, trying to remain unfazed as his anger sky rocketed. "Yes, use force," he jeered. "By the way, have you seen Alistair lately?" She hit him again at the mention of her ex-lover who hadn't lifted a finger in her defense.

"I don't know what I was thinking, you're not of any help," she growled.

"I have no reason to help you."

"Oh?" She asked as an eyebrow quirked upwards. "But I believe you do." She pulled up a seat in front of him. "I will hand you over to the Wardens if you do not help." Was she using that against him? "They want you for the same reason that I do." A flicker of recognition lit in the pit of his stomach. "Ah," she cooed, "now you know what I speak of." Leliana smiled at him.

"You'll never find her."

"But it is not her that I seek," she told him. The child. Theron's jaw tightened as he stared at her. How could she know? "He looks just like you, you know." A flash of golden eyes surfaced in the back of his head. The look of an innocent lingered. "Yes, keep thinking of them."

His eyes narrowed at the red head. She finally pulled the dagger from his side, twisting it as she did so. She signaled one of her men to use an injury kit on him. The same man forced another potion down his throat.

"I don't know where they are," he said.

"That's funny; because they were spotted the same day you were once again known to the Wardens." She smirked slightly as she got up. She crossed her arms in front of her body. "I could hand you over to the Divine as well," she continued. "A known associate of yours blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall. We look for any accomplice of his, whether that includes you, the Champion of Kirkwall, or your blood mage." She looked past him. "Bring her in." Her eyes settled on Theron again. "Since you are no mage, we could only jail you. She, on the other hand, can be made tranquil or will be sentenced to death." She really was using everything that she could against him. "This is the last time I am asking you to help."

Theron turned his head to see that they had indeed caught Merrill. He sucked in a deep breath. He couldn't let anything happen to her. "What would you have me do?" He asked quietly.

"What? I did not hear you." Bitch.

"Yes," he said louder, "I will help."

"Lethallin, no," Merrill whispered. He looked away from her.

"What is it you want?"

"You have a heart after all," Leliana mused. Perhaps it was his fault that she was the way she was now. Perhaps her time working for the Divine had changed her. Whatever it was, Theron knew she wasn't the same woman that he had known long ago. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Just taking in the moment," she replied with a smile. "You, dear one, will find Morrigan and the child. You will give us the child. Nothing will stand in the way of the Maker. Not a child…or an Old God. Once we are done with him, your Wardens will have him to examine, and then you and your blood mage are free to go."

"It's too late to stop the war," Merrill said, "why do you need him?"

Leliana ignored her. "How did you know about him?" Theron asked.

"The Maker works in mysterious ways."

* * *

><p><em>Morrigan, what are you doing?<em> He thought to himself. He glanced over at Merrill as she pulled her cloak around her. Did she even want to be found? He pulled the hood of his cloak over his head. They had left Leliana and her group of Templars the day before and all they were given was an old location. What had Theron been doing in the mean time? Several plans grew inside his head, each passing the approval of the Beast. The thought of seeing Morrigan again was just… Well, no words could describe it. He wanted to know the extent of what happened. Where did his memory go? Where had he been before he washed up on the shores of Orlais? Whatever the questions were, there was only one person who knew the answer.

Theron glanced at Merrill. Poor Merrill. She probably didn't bargain on any of this. The Beast grunted in disapproval at his concern for her. He was growing weak. He needed to avert his attention elsewhere. He plotted their course from Val Royeaux through the Nahashin Marshes to finally, the Urthemiel Plateau. It seemed only fitting that Morrigan would be there. She would be expecting them. He could count on that.

"Why do you think she would be so far away?" Merrill asked.

"Me," he answered honestly. Was she waiting? Part of him hoped. He took a step forward and began their trek again across Orlais.

"They said she was spotted going this way, how do you know you'll even find her?"

Theron shook his head. He had hoped that whatever strength the taint in him had would be attracted to the child. The child that he didn't even know the name of. "My son," he replied to her, "he has the soul of the Old God, uncorrupted by the taint. It was a deeper kind of magic that made it happen. Old magic from Asha'bellanar. They're all connected." He sighed. "It's time I find out what happened these past few years." Silence fell over them. Theron wasn't sure if it was because of his admittance to having a child and his insensitivity to how it would affect Merrill, or that they were better off concentrating on their journey.

He watched as his companion pulled her cloak tighter around her body. The weather had turned colder that day and it was his assumption that it was why she had done such a thing, but he was completely oblivious to the fact that she wanted to close herself off from him at the time.

They walked for hours. Even with the sun high in the sky, it did nothing to change the cold weather. They were moving up in elevation, just by the slightest increment. They would not truly reach the plateaus until they were past the marshes and the Western Approach. Merrill had walked in front of him for some time without speaking to him. It was disconcerting, but he had no idea how to handle her…emotions. The word was acid to his mind. It seared his brain with an aching pain to even think about expressing _those things_. He stopped mid-step as she whirled around to face him.

"When were you going to tell me?" She asked. "Did it ever cross your mind what I would think about it?"

"No," he said.

"We made a promise," Merrill said, "years ago. I did not expect you to keep it, but to know you have a son..." She pouted lightly. She brought a hand to her forehead. "Oh this is silly of me." He couldn't help but smile. A dark scowl set on her features and she hit his chest with a blue aura emanating from her hands. She should have known magic didn't scare him. "Do _not_ laugh, lethallin! This is not the time for it."

"What do you want from me, Merrill?" His voice had taken a bitter tone, but it was only him trying to remain neutral in the conversation and for once not let his anger boil through his words.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It never came up."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "That is a very cheap answer, Mahariel."

A small smirk played across his lips. "It's the only answer you're going to get."

"Fine. Then tell me what you plan to do when we find them. He's your son. Are you really going to give him to the Chantry? To that woman?"

Theron had thought about it countless times as they left Leliana's custody. He wasn't a man who kept promises or kept his end of a deal. He had always looked out for himself. Well, it was after he had left their clan that he had truly become that way. He thought the fact that he had ended the Blight should have told most that he did his duty when needed. But his need for self preservation…or self destruction, it depended on how you looked at it, kept him from really reaching the 'hero' potential that was expected of him. He would find a way to help Morrigan and the child escape from Leliana's grip. He didn't know if the Seeker expected that to be his move, but he had to do it quickly.

There was an escape route that they could take, but it was a fool's journey. Whether they would go to the Deep Roads remained to be seen, but he was not excluding the option.

"No," he told her," I'm not." That was enough to satisfy her curiosity, as she turned and continued to walk in silence.

Only for a moment.

Merrill let out a small giggle. "Well, you would think with the abundance of horses in this country they would have at least given us one," she said, "just as an extra motivational tool because Mythal, my feet hurt." She glanced back over her shoulder at him. "But you know what they say about Orlesians?" That they were pompous? That they didn't like to share?

"What?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me."


	6. Monster

**A/N:** _Feedback of any kind is awesome. Thanks to Saga Svanhildr and Joe for reviewing. _

"Beastly"

_I hate what I've become_

_The nightmare's just begun_

_I must confess that I_

_Feel like a monster_

_-"Monster" by Skillet_

If it had been any other person, he would not have travelled through marshes, over mountains, past plateaus and anything else that had gotten in his way but it was Morrigan, the one person that could ever make him do anything that he wouldn't voluntarily. Theron glanced at Merrill who wrapped her cloaked around her tiny body to protect it from the cold. "Lethallin? Do you think we can stop for the night?" She asked when she realized that he was looking at her. He gave her a small smile and nodded.

They found a hidden and secure spot away from the open field they had been walking through. From where they set camp, Theron could see the dark silhouette of the Urthemiel Plateau. Something was there. Waiting for him. He could feel it. The taint in his blood was singing, calling for the soul it could have had. It was enough to tell him who was there but he had no idea what exactly would be waiting for him. His tracking abilities from being a hunter back in his days with his clan had told him they were on the right trail that Leliana had set them on but one would be a fool to think that she wasn't following.

Theron did his best to find food and start a fire. Merrill had looked a little frail, too frail for his liking. "You have to eat, here have my share," he said as he offered his food to her. Her wide green eyes stared at him as she seemed baffled that he would even suggest it. He was a monster most of the time, he knew, but even monster had soft spots didn't they? The Beast laid dormant. Perhaps it was because they were so close to Morrigan. It waited for her, waited to be commanded, to be needed…

Merrill reached up to the top of his head, curled her fingers into his dark locks for a moment and smiled. Her grip loosened and she grabbed the food he offered her to eat. It was a wonder what life away from the clan had done to her. Perhaps it was her blood magic, though he hadn't seen her use it. Maybe she wasn't use to being out like he was. Even though he had been far away from their old clan for a long time, being a Warden had taken him to places that most Dalish feared to roam.

"Oh I'm grateful for the food, Mahariel," she began to speak, "but something else is troubling you. Would you like to talk about it?" No, he thought. He didn't. "Oh don't pout anymore, I don't think I could take it for much longer."

The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile. Could things be different? Could he change? Was it worth the effort? Was she? Could he even do it? He could. For her. "I just hope to get some answers," he told her.

She nodded. "I hope you do as well," she told him. Silence fell between the two elves. The sound of the land around them and the dying fire seemed to only get louder. Merrill leaned past him and lifted her hand over the fire to bring it back to life but Theron stopped her as his long finger clasped around her tiny wrist. "But the cold…" She started.

"I'd rather not let others know where we are," he told her. "You can sleep with me. We should keep each other warm."

Merrill opened her mouth to say something but shut it quickly as the color of her cheeks started to taken a red hue. The blush crept to the tips of her ears and he couldn't help but smile at her. "Okay," she squeaked before going inside of the tent.

He let the fire die by itself before he went inside the tent. Merrill was already curled underneath the blankets with her eyes were squeezed shut. "I know you're not sleeping," he said lightly.

"Oh, well, close enough," she said. Was she uncomfortable? Theron found it disconcerting that he was worried about such a tedious thing when it came to the other elf. Any other time he wouldn't have cared. He preferred it that way. "Are you alright?"

He raised an eyebrow as he curled up next to her. "I feel like I should be asking you that," he replied.

She gave him a soft smile. "I mean about Morrigan," she said. "Are you ready to see her, ma vehnan?" He felt a pain in his chest. It was so foreign to him, he didn't know what to say so Merrill talked for him. "I was starting to think that we…" She couldn't finish her sentence but he had a feeling that he knew what she wanted to say.

"Merrill," he said in a low voice, "you don't know the things I've done. What I've become."

"I don't care," she told him quickly. "I'm not exactly innocent either, you know. Blood mage, here."

Was it that easy? He didn't know what to expect when he saw Morrigan again. He didn't know what to expect when he set eyes on his child. He wanted to be able to give Merrill what she wanted like he had promised so long ago. Soft fingertips grazed his jaw line. His eyes looked into hers. Even with blood magic, there was still innocence there, innocence that would disappear by his doing if the Beast had the chance.

"But-" he has started to protest and she placed a finger against his lips.

"You will do what you feel is right," she told him, "and you will know when the time comes."

"Marethari use to tell me that all the time," he said quietly.

"I remember," she told him. One hand cupped the side of his face. "You need answers and we will get them. What you chose to do after that…" Her voice trailed off.

"What?"

"I don't know if I can just watch you walk away from me again so easily," she whispered and closed her eyes. Theron leaned in and kissed her forehead lightly. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Merrill shivered slightly until it faded into a soft tremble that made him sure the cold hadn't caused it.

"You won't have to." That had been the first time that Theron had actively sought to comfort someone. He was changing. He was sure of it, and the one thing he didn't know how to do was how to react. "Good to sleep, Merrill," he told her. Tomorrow was a new day.

* * *

><p>Something was calling him. The singing. He couldn't stand the singing. He hadn't had a dream like that since he had first joined the Wardens. Theron groaned. He was unaware of his body and what was happening. He was consumed by the dream, the beckoning for him to leave Merrill and to join it. He was unaware of Merrill trying to wake him. He was unaware of her calling to him. She shook him but he would not stir, not until it was over.<p>

_The Beast cowered as the dead bodies were sprawled before him in the dream. He heard the flapping of a dragons wings. Was it the next Archdemon? Were the darkspawn close to finding the next Old God, buried so deep in the ground, asleep, waiting to be awoken to lead Thedas into another Blight? Shrieks ran around him. Genlocks pounded on the ground. Hurlocks stood tall by his side. They didn't pay attention to him but looked forward to their leader. He…he was one of them, forever lost in the sea of darkspawn but he wasn't of them. No, he was a ghoul lost in his own grief, ready to disappear into the Deep Roads forever. _

_It was watching him. Eyes pierced through his soul. Pain coursed through his body. He wanted to run but couldn't. It wasn't his enemy. He felt…like it loved him. It wanted him to join it. It was waiting. _

Theron shot up quickly. One of his daggers was in his hand and he found it pressed against Merrill's throat. Her fingers gripped tightly onto him. "Mahariel," she whispered, "it was just a bad dream."

He pulled his hand back and dropped his dagger next to him. He wiped at his forehead and felt the perspiration that had formed there. His chest heaved and he closed his eyes. "It was more than just a dream," he told her.

It was his Calling. It wasn't time. Why was it coming early? He knew he had felt older when he had come back. With his memory gone, he had no idea what had happened to him after going through the Eluvian with Morrigan. _Shit._ He was dying and he didn't have the heart to tell her.

"Are you alright, ma vehnan?" Her bright green eyes were so wide and full of concern. She bit down gently on her lower lip as she released one of his shoulders and gently touched the side of his face.

No. "Yes." His breathing slowed and he closed his eyes. "Go back to sleep." He leaned back and he felt Merrill curl against him. He turned his head and pressed his lips softly against her forehead.

* * *

><p>Her soft smile in the morning had made him think that they were back in the days of their clan, when they were younger and running around in forests causing trouble for local shems who wandered towards their camp. The same smile made him forget about the nightmare the night before. They were packed and ready to go when he felt like they were being watched again. His eyes glanced over to the side and he paused. Merrill moved to look but he reached out and caught her wrist to make her look at him. He shook his head 'no' at her. It was Leliana's men. It was too soon to act against them.<p>

Theron found that his pace had quickened and Merrill had difficulty keeping up with him. Part of him felt bad for putting the strain on her but she could do it. He was sure of it. He didn't slow until he was sure that they weren't being followed anymore.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you were trying to lose me," Merrill said.

Theron whirled around to face the dainty elf. "Don't," he told her, "don't ever think that." Her bright green eyes lit up as her lips twitched in a smile.

"Then why are we going so fast? It's kind of exciting but I don't know how much long I can keep up ma vehnan."

"We were being followed," he told her. Merrill's eyes widened slightly. It didn't seem like she needed more of an explanation than that. So Theron turned around quickly to continue on.

When they reached the plateau, the both of the elves hadn't seen a way to reach the top but instead, the only way to breach the landmark had been the opening in front of them. Theron stopped in his tracks as he looked at the cave. It probably led to the Deep Roads. Was Morrigan trying to tell him something? The taint in his blood called out. The Beast purred and waited for prey. Someone was in there, waiting. He closed his eyes and saw a flash of red. Blood had been spilled. A laugh echoed. A scream begged for attention. Someone clawed at his arm. Another scream.

His eyes shot open and found Merrill standing in front of him. Her gentle touch had brought him back. Light finger tips brushed against his jaw line and he saw green full of concern. "Where did you go?" She asked. Her hand trailed down his next, past his chest and to his arm. "I can't heal this, lethallin."

Theron looked down to see blood trickling down his forearm. A warning, perhaps? The Beast snarled. "Vivid memories," he told her. Very vivid.

"Are you starting to remember where you were before you came back?"

The Eluvian. He had gone…to where no man should go. A place to where he would still have no memory of no matter how hard he tried to remember. He wanted answers and that damned woman in there better have them. "We go in," he said as he made a motion to the cave. Merrill nodded slowly.

"I am with you." He knew.

Theron was the first to step toward the opening. His hands inched down to his waist where his fingers fiddled with the hilts of his daggers. He stood at the entrance and sniffed. The air was stale with a hint of the rancid stench of death. This was no place for a child. Then again, Theron didn't know if Urthemiel was even still a child. Merrill picked up a log near the entrance and lit the tip on fire before she handed it to Theron so they could see their way through but soon enough they would find that they didn't need it.

"Things actually live down here?" Merrill asked. "That would need fire I mean."

Darkspawn. Theron tossed the torch to the side because there was already a collective of areas lit up that would lead them down a path. Did he feel the darkspawn? He wasn't sure if it was them or… oh the singing. He could hear it. He wasn't supposed to before his Calling. Maybe that time was sooner than he would have really anticipated.

"The roads should be clear for us," he said, though he wasn't sure how far the Architect's influence and experiments had extended through the Deep Roads. "I'm not sure how those following us will fare." Let them be torn apart. The Beast only regretted that it couldn't be a part of it.

"Do you know where you're going?" She asked.

Theron nodded. "I think so," he replied. "I'm going more on feelings, though." Sadly, that was the truth. He tried to reach out to the singing, the beautiful singing. It wasn't like feeling another Warden through the shared bond. No, it was beautiful. It was more than that. It…was his son. It was the Old God's soul that sang to the darkspawn and now it sang to him. Did he attract the darkspawn? Would he be revered? Would he make a difference in the always changing world? Was that why Flemeth wanted him so badly?

There were so many questions in his head. There were so many questions that needed to be answered. "Watch out!" Merrill cried as she grabbed the back of his armor and pulled him back. Flames flew pass the two of them. It hadn't been a trap. With his rogue skills, he would have noticed it. "Magic," she whispered in his ear as if she had read his mind.

A faint roar of a darkspawn, a roar that he had dreamt of so many times before, and the very same sound had haunted him echoed through the caves. He pulled his daggers out as he readied for battle but a young man had stepped out before him. He was barely a man but old enough to be considered one. His hair was dark and shaggy. The ends curled slightly to his face, a face that had very elven features. The lad had piercing golden eyes. The same eyes that…

"I don't believe it," Theron breathed. For once, he was the one who was speechless. Urthemiel twirled his staff above his head and pointed it at Theron before lightning shot out. He had waited to be hit but it curled around him. He turned to see a man in Seeker armor fall with an echoing clunk against the stone floor.

"Lethallin," Merrill squeaked behind him. "He looks just like you."

"Mother didn't expect you to have followers," Urthemiel said smoothly.

Oh, he was beautiful but Theron figured that it was credited to the Old God soul that had given him life. But he was older. He should have been in his young teens. Maybe wherever they were had sped up time for them. That would have explained why he felt so close to…impossible. Theron didn't want to believe it but he knew better than anyone that he should expect it.

"Where is she?" Theron asked.

"Do you not remember, Father?" His son's voice was soft but held a vibrating power dripping from every word that he spoke. Had something happened to Morrigan? Had Flemeth finally gotten to her?

"No," he replied softly.

Urthemiel nodded slowly and made a motion for him to follow. "She is not the same person that you remember," he told him, "but she will be happy to see you." Theron watched as his son's gaze flickered to Merrill. "Her, maybe not so much."

"People are following us," Theron told him, "they want you and your mother."

Urthemiel nodded. "It is to be expected. I thought it was too soon to return to Thedas but she would not listen. We've been waiting for you." He waved for Theron to move ahead of him to the right. The Dalish elf turned to see that it was a corridor of an old Thaig. He took a step forward to follow the path when he heard his son speak again. "You may not go," he was speaking to Merrill.

Theron wanted to argue but there was a bigger part of him that wanted to see Morrigan more. He turned to Merrill and gave her a small smile. "It will be alright," he told her. She wasn't happy about it but she accepted.

He turned away and followed the path into the room where his old love was waiting for him. Her back was turned to him. Her long dark hair was down and shoulder length. Her clothes were more modest but very her still. "It has been a long time, my love," she said, "though I suspect that it would hardly be a proper reunion without someone accompanying you."

"Sorry to disappoint," he replied.

He watched as she turned to face him. She was older as well, but not by much. The lines around her eyes were more apparent but she was still as beautiful as he had remembered. Morrigan crossed her arms in front of her body and smirked at him. "There is much to discuss."


End file.
